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Parents do not understand the job hunt struggle. I’m losing my mind.

3 months ago

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I was going to type up a massive rant but I just feel so deflated. I moved back in with my parents at the end of March. They just don’t understand the employment market at all. My mum is especially bad for this. My mum said tonight that she expected me to be in full time employment before my classes even ended at university. She expects me to have a full time job, with a good salary, good holidays and that’s either WFH or local enough that I wouldn’t have to rely on public transport (we live in a backwater suburb with no real centralised centre. All businesses tend to be based in the cities). She berated me for applying to work in coffee shops and restaurants, whilst slating me in the same breath for not having a job at all. She wants me to spend all hours of the day applying for jobs. She wants me to “just print off a few CVs and hand them into places!”. She wants me to be phoning companies and asking for a job. She thinks that my undergraduate degree means that I should be able to walk into any job I want. She just doesn’t get it. She’s in her mid forties. She didn’t go to uni and she managed to walk into a decent, well paid office job in the nineties. I just can’t do that anymore. Neither can anyone my age. I just want that fact to sink into her skull eventually. I feel like such a disappointment. I want to cry over this situation every single day. Hell, I want to scream.I absolutely hate that the parents of my generation are so blind to what we are up against. I just needed a rant. Feel free to remove if this sub isn’t really the place for this.


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    dalej42

    A lot of older people fall into that trap of believing that you just have to out hustle the competition and show that you want it. Even before Covid, the days of showing up in your best suit and making your case were long over. I wish I knew an answer, but I can definitely emphasise.

    3 months ago

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      PapaMurphy2000

      40 is old?

      3 months ago

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    isnotaweed

    I'm a parent who tried to tell my kids to look for jobs the same way I did...gave them the " go into places, meet the manager to make a good impression, and leave a nice professional resume" speech. A couple of years ago my workplace closed and I tried to look for jobs this way...not only weren't people receptive, they were actually hostile to this approach. I have since sincerely apologized to my sons. It is tough to realize how much this aspect of life has changed if you haven't had to deal with it yourself.

    3 months ago

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    Wonderful_Habit_9903

    Have her sit down and watch documentaries or news specials about the truth of the job market. She’s in her 40s so she’s really not old she just very out of touch. Tell her to go around and see if she would get a job in today’s market and see if she gets results. At the very least leave the house to apply to jobs at the library or park or something so you don’t have to be around her while you’re doing it

    3 months ago

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      noyart

      Good idea. If she is unlucky she may need to find a new job in the future. She is only 40 after all

      3 months ago

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    Mirthy_Dodo_Bird

    It's not just you. This has been a problem since the 2008 crash.

    3 months ago

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      turlytuft

      Before. This has been a problem much earlier than the crash.

      3 months ago

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    FNGMaverick

    Even some of the biggest retail companies will hire someone and not give them full time hours to dodge having to pay for benefits. It’s been awful, even pre-covid

    3 months ago

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      neverfakemaplesyrup

      just got out of a warehouse where the night-timers got 38 hours a week and then mandatory overtime which somehow didn't count for the fulltime hours

      3 months ago

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    moez1266

    My dad actually decided to apply for jobs at the same time I was applying (for the kick of it). He became my greatest supporter after seeing the state of things.

    3 months ago

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      acowingegg

      Funny enough my dad's company closed (unrelated to covid) and he's 60. So he could go back and has applied mainly to get unemployment but every job is offering such little pay compared to what he was making so he keeps telling them his pay range. They can't match so he says no or they say no (also he is making more on unemployment because of his previous salary) so why would he go back?

      3 months ago

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    Malgurath

    Recent university grad here and I can definitely relate, quite recently a recruiter told me that the company she represents wouldn't look twice at my CV with just my degree and I needed to prove I was a hard worker. She wanted a timeline of what I had done since high school, well, I was fucking around doing nothing of real note before deciding I needed to get my life together and go to uni, but I couldn't tell her that though, because even the small chance I had of getting the interview would dissipate if I was honest, haven't heard from her in a few days.

    3 months ago

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      seta_roja

      Well... she wanted a timeline because noticed something weird. At this point you were half discarded. But she decided to dig a bit more and give you a last chance. Then you were not honest, flickered, and she totally read that. Don't expext a call back at this point... :/ Sometimes it's better to be totally honest, or put the dots on the right note, as in... "I have a gap in my CV, when I was living in a farm and we worked till sundown planting potatoes and harvesting corn", "I had to take care of my siblings while my mum was working double shifts", "I infiltrated and got the mafia down because they sold drugs to my sister. Now I'm in witnesses protection and have a new name"... Dunno, there's always a way of getting the spotlight on some positive stuff and to show that you're hard worker. So try to embellish your tale a bit for the next time. Think about how you can rephrase that you were just drinking beers in the skate park. You can say that you had some tought year and fortunately your family and friends were supporting you during that time. Now it's time for you to take care of them! Good luck with your search!

      3 months ago

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    SuburbanSquare

    She must have been at the very end of the golden age of job hunting. I’m at 40. Had shit jobs that required a degree right out of college, sent 400+ applications in 2008 to get a job after the crash, worked my way out of a full time permatemp job to get my foot in the door and fought tooth and nail to not be swimming in a debt spiral till my mid 30s.

    3 months ago

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    Lakersrock111

    I hear you and can relate to you OP. I can definitely understand. I am in the same shoes as you except my family doesn’t talk about it because it is a shame and blame dynamic (where I am on the receiving end).

    3 months ago

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    Hypo_Mix

    Ask her to help you apply for jobs. Her enthusiasm may evaporate.

    3 months ago

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      WrapCorrect

      This is the right course of action

      3 months ago

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    FriendsFan30

    Even for retail jobs they want you to apply online and just throw your resume in the recycling after you leave

    3 months ago

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      alonabc

      Your resume is ignored online as well, your best shot is to speak with the store manager directly and get him to provide a referral, when I was In high school/ uni about 5 years ago I would walk into a grocery store and just give my resume to the manager and often hired on the spot

      3 months ago

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    DennisOVitch

    Ask her to screen and process 500 applications for you.

    3 months ago

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    redlazarus57

    i feel you bro, I'm having the same issue here, just graduated in april, and still looking a job that relates to my course (animal science) but then Malaysia is currently under movement restrictions (due to covid19 at least until 14th june) and most of my job applications are located out of state and does need approval for interstate movement from the police which is quite a hassle. as I'm having a debt from my last sem (an extend), i tried applying as food delivery guy with foodpanda, and planning it to do part time while trying to settle my college debt, but then my parents is so mad and didn't allow me and the only reasons is that job is tiring. been arguing with them but they seems not to understand, our last argue was last night and yaa it didn't go well. I'm just f up tbh. cried and just wondering what should i do..

    3 months ago

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    Leolily1221

    This isn't just about Parents not understanding for this generation. As a Gen Xer,trust me Boomer Parents have been doing this as well to my Generation. We have watched the ripple effect as it destroyed everything we have worked for and now we are approaching the middle of our working careers and potential peak-earning years...having lost homes, taken out more student loan debt for our children and many of us are also on the tail end of failed marriages. The job market is no better for us, the fact that we have years of experience and are being offered wages we worked for in the 80's as the cost of living increased exponentially. People in their 50's know they will never retire, no pensions, inadequate healthcare, have zero saving because we lost our homes in the 2008 crash and no safety net. It's heartbreaking to not be able to help our young adult children we see struggling in this BS economy, when we would give anything to help them ( as we had planned...until everything fell apart. Sure some people in GenX lucked out with generational wealth as a safety net...but most didn't

    3 months ago

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    LEEFONTAINE404

    Man, my mother is the same way. When my back got messed up I didn't know what to do cause all I had done was working so I'm trying to figure out what to do without using my back. All of a sudden I'm lazy and I should just be able to work. She told me to just go to the doctors. And here I was just loosing my insurance so I'm frustrated, feeling depressed, and my Mom was not helping. She was just nagging me like jobs are just out here. So I got a delivery job and do doordash and other things just to get my money up and moved out. I rather struggle by myself than to keep getting nagged everyday. I push through pain everyday.

    3 months ago

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    computer-beam

    i’m in a really similar situation, it’s nice to know i’m not alone i guess but yeah. it’s been tough. been feeling really lost, like i keep expecting somebody to pop out and say this is all a test, or some kind of mean practical joke. hasn’t really sunk in for me i suppose, everything feels surreal

    3 months ago

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    writetodeath11

    Yeah, my parents are like this. At a certain point, you just have to take measures for your own future and ignore them. But nothing we can do. Just try to enjoy life despite the crappy circumstances.

    3 months ago

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    kurtap12

    Sorry for you, I have the same kind of relationship with my parents. I suggest learning to make boundaries with them, bec she should not be treating you like a kid, and maybe you need to move out once you have a job and are able to rent on your own . Good luck, it's tough out there right now. Hang in there.

    3 months ago

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    MissionIssue2062

    My grams the same way. Before I got my job at the gas station near my house she used to hound me constantly about finding a job. It wasn't like I wasn't trying, I put my applications out there but no one was going to hire me. I had no experience, even for entry level jobs, and my social anxiety made me screw up the interviews (I'd take too long to answer). She kept telling me to go in and ask for an application, which I'd then be told to go online because they don't do paper applications anymore. I knew I'd have to essentially "sell myself" to get hired, as many others were also interested. I also knew that given my application and interviews, it was a no brainer for the employer to just go with someone more qualified, confident and social than someone who can't look you in the eyes when you talk to them. Even now after I got my job she complains. I used to work 2nd and 3rd shift (I only work 3rd now), she doesn't like that I sleep during the day. I try explaining that, obviously I need to sleep at some point. She tells me I should just stay up, then take a nap before work. No matter how many times I explain that for me, it's night time, she doesn't understand.

    3 months ago

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      Pailed

      I relate to the anxiety. Mine's not even that bad but I always screw up interviews. I only had 1 successful one in my life which i rehearsed ALOT for, and it was a work-study position at college so it's not even hard to get. I hate interviews...my last job was lifeguarding but they recruited kids en masse so there was no interview, that will never happen in the adult world for me.

      3 months ago

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    sendmepuppys22

    It's 2021. Bring your CV in somewhere and they'll say 'great, apply online'. Ain't no shame in working in a restaurant. I just had my last day working in the animal field and start in a restaurant on Saturday and honestly excited to have a job where I can just show up and not have to care about animals dying/shitty owners. I can just work hard and leave everything when I leave. If your mom enjoys restaurants or coffee shops at all she should not be saying that about the workers there. Good luck! It's brutal right now but you'll find something.

    3 months ago

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    midhunmohan-t

    It’s all over the world!

    3 months ago

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    wernercd

    What's your degree in? With your degree, what jobs are you looking for? It's been years since I had to move back home but I understand the angst and the depression that must be there. You aren't alone in having to go through these growth spurts. I'm in my 40's, so not sure how far removed I am from your parents but don't let their age be a reason for their bad attitude - not everyone in the 90's got 6 figure jobs right out of a degree.

    3 months ago

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    lucky_719

    Have her look for a job and see what happens.

    3 months ago

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    j450n_1994

    I'd tell her go in and try that with 10 stores and see how that works.

    3 months ago

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    Disig

    Wow. How is someone that young that ignorant? I'm 35, graduated in 2008 just as the economy collapsed, and had to work a fuck ton of cafe jobs before landing a half decent one. Your mother should know better and the fact that she doesn't is just sad. Sorry you have to deal with her. I really hope you find something soon so you can at least get away from her.

    3 months ago

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    desolate_cat

    First, your mom must have had you when she was very young. Imagine being 40 and already having a kid ready to graduate from university. A bit unrelated to your question, but is money very tight for you right now? Is she the sole person with an income in your household?

    3 months ago

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      travellingcats

      She was about 24 when she had me and no, she’s not the sole earner. She went to my country’s equivalent of community college in her thirties and re-trained for a career in childcare (This was free, my country offers free higher education). She earns a decent salary thanks to that job. My dad earns a salary that I can only dream of (About 100k a year). On top of that, they recently came into a pretty huge lump sum of money due to unforeseen circumstances. They’re firmly in the upper middle class and are very well off. Money was tight when I was a kid, but things have been pretty damn good money-wise since my mum re-trained ten years ago. I think this is maybe why they’re a bit unaware. They’ve lived a sheltered, middle class existence for the past decade.

      3 months ago

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    Ryn33

    Hey, I get it. My job hunt took me years and I still have yet to find a sustainable job I enjoy. Keep moving forward and don’t waste your time being brought down. She means well, but doesn’t understand the whole situation; you have this. Keep your head up, you will find something.

    3 months ago

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    Fifithehousecat

    As a 39 year old who is part time agency because of lack of work just go to Costa or the library and work on your laptop applying for jobs. Tell her you've been out delivering CVs and calling managers. If she's not in the job market she won't change her mind and will keep nagging you. Also, have you registered with agencies? May be a good shot.

    3 months ago

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    Single_Blueberry

    Ask her what specifically she means when she says good salary. A number.

    3 months ago

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    ryanxpe

    Boomers and old people stuck in the past they think it's just easy getting a job you have apply thousands of time

    3 months ago

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    potterlyfe

    Preach!! Same struggle with my dad. ‘Well I used to just walk in and shake the bosses hand and get the job!’ Or ‘You should just call the hiring manager and check in on your application’ my response is they said on the application explicitly not to contact them. His response ‘I’m sure that’s just to filter out the people who aren’t motivated to get the job!’ I just can’t anymore with him.

    3 months ago

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    nokenito

    Hey, I am 57 and i understand the struggle you are going through. Getting a job today is very hard!!! Any job! Most people my age only compare to what they experienced and that is NOT how it is. It is difficult finding a job. It’s not as easy as it once was. And going to Uni today doesn’t guarantee anyone a job. It’s not just you, millions of recent graduates are struggling. Have you tried dice.com or any temporary employment agencies? That’s how I got into corporate work… temp jobs!

    3 months ago

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    MyFingerPointeth

    Now that you've had plenty of supportive crap responses and commiserating validation, tell me about your degree, and location, and i will help you run your job search the correct way.

    3 months ago

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      MythOfLight

      mind sharing with the rest of us what your secret to success is?

      3 months ago

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    Stellarspace1234

    Print your Resume and hand them out to people in an area like Time Square. Maybe someone will get you a job.

    3 months ago

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      ryanxpe

      Lmaooo you reddit nerds funny ASF

      3 months ago

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    [removed]

    3 months ago

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      3 months ago

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